It has now been 3 years since Quintin was born. There are still days each year when I especially miss and think about our sweet angel.
Easter
The ultrasound when we found out Quintin was sick was on a Friday. The following Sunday was Easter. What an incredible blessing. I remember not wanting to go to church at all. I was a mess. I knew I would just sob through the whole meeting and I didn't want to make a spectacle of myself. I learned for the millionth time that church is always the best place to be on Sunday. I am so grateful I went. The music and messages of Easter filled my soul with hope and helped me stay focused on eternity. I have a testimony that the Savior conquered death so I would have the opportunity to be with my family forever. When I seek Him I am offered peace.
Easter is when I seem to miss Q the most. My heart is wounded and sometimes it is hard to be happy when all of those memories and emotions come to the surface. At Easter we celebrate the resurrection of our Savior. Because of Him I will be with my son again. I should be HAPPY! Still...it is hard. I have learned that if I plan ahead, keep it simple and try to stay positive it is a good day. If I don't plan and focus on the Savior the sadness has and can take over. It takes effort.
Birthday
Quintin was born in the Spring. When the world starts to turn green and the snow turns to rain I am reminded of our boy. His actual birthday is never easy. I have learned not to plan much. Each year it gets easier to remember him with a smile and faith and not tears and sadness.
Memorial Day
Growing up Memorial Day was a day we didn't have to go to school. When I got a little bit older it was a day we remembered our grandparents. Now it is also a day we visit and remember our son. The first Memorial Day after Quintin was born we went down to SLC for the weekend. The whole weekend we planned to go to the cemetery but it was just too hard. Each year since we have visited the cemetery. It is never easy but always worth it.
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2016
2017
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Other Days
There have been many rough days the past few years. Family pictures, when people ask how many kids I have and I am not sure what to say, when his pictures pop up on the computer screen saver... all hard. I don't expect the twinge in my heart to ever go away. The thing I have learned is to feel the pain, acknowledge it and do my best not to let it take over. Choosing joy is not easy. Sometimes I just need a good cry. The key for me is to TRY.
