Preparing for Quintin
We went back to visit with Dr. Smith on Tuesday, April 22nd. Induction was set for the night of April 25th. We went home for a couple days so Chris could go back to work and so we could get a few things in order.
For a short time I had the very unique experience of carrying our baby knowing that I would not be raising them in this life. It was hard. Every kick was precious. Because of our baby's condition we were told he or she could pass away at anytime. Every time I wondered if my sweet one was still there I got a never fail "Hi mom!" kick. Oh how I cherished those little movements. Such an incredible blessing. I don't know when a body is "quickened by the spirit." I don't know how it happens. All I know is I could feel my child's spirit and that I didn't have just a little body inside my belly, I had somebody.
After lots of prayers, Priesthood blessings and conversations with wonderfully supportive friends and family we headed to Logan, Utah to meet our angel. We were as ready as we would ever be.
Quintin's Birthday
Chris and I arrived at Logan Regional Hospital the night of April 25th. I would have rather been anywhere else in the world. We checked in at the desk on the Labor and Delivery floor and they took us back to our room. I was given a gown to change into. While I was changing I just wanted to run away. I didn't want to do what I had to do. I thought of my Savior when he prayed in Matthew 26:39 "...O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." I wanted our baby to stay on earth with us. I wanted our baby to be healthy. I wanted this cup to pass from me. What I wanted and what the Lord needed from me where two different things. It was difficult to submit my will to His. Because of the Savior and His atonement Chris and I were given the strength and comfort we needed to endure the next several hours and the hard days that followed.
Our baby arrived the morning of April 26th, 2014 at 9:20am. He weighed 1 pound 7 ounces and was 10.6 inches long. We named him Quintin Curtis Suchan. Quintin means fifth. He is the 5th member of our Suchan Clan and the name seemed like a perfect fit. His middle name is my Grandpa Decker's first name. I remember after Grandpa Decker passed away I went in his room to say goodbye. I could still feel his spirit in the room and I told him he had a big job taking care of all his great grandchildren in heaven. I know he and Quintin are together doing a great work and serving the Lord.
Chris and I were able to spend the rest of our morning holding and kissing our sweet little angel. His spirit was no longer in his body but we could feel him so close. It was a perfectly heavenly experience.
 |
| It was incredible to see each perfect little detail of our baby boy. |
 |
Quintin had 10 tiny fingers and 10 tiny toes.
(That is Chris's ring around his foot, that is how small he was.) |
 |
| He had a button nose just like Logan and Paige and the distinctive "Suchan brow." |
 |
| I loved holding his hands. |
The short moments we spent with Quintin were so precious and I will cherish them forever. One of the things I remember most was how "full" our room felt. It was a sterile hospital room but it felt warm and peaceful. With my eyes I could see my wonderful husband, our amazingly supportive parents, our darling baby boy and our caring doctor and nurses. With my heart I could feel concourses of angels around us. The amount of love and support we felt from our family beyond the veil was overwhelming. I knew then and I know now that because we chose to get sealed in the temple this was not the last time I would see Quintin. He was ours forever. I also knew he would be well taken care of. I remember feeling over and over "Mom, I love you. I am okay." We thank our Heavenly Father every day for the eternity of families and for the knowledge that we will not be apart for long.
 |
| It is our privilege to be Quintin's parents. |
We had two incredible organizations that offered support and helped us preserve our precious moments with Quintin. The photos above were taken by Amber Rust at Two Color Photography. She is part of an organization called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. Before I delivered Quintin I called my friend Chana for some advise. She is also a mom of an angel. She told me about NILMDTS and contacted them to come take photos for us in the hospital. At first I was hesitant. I knew this would be an incredibly difficult experience. Pictures? How would I feel every time I saw these pictures? Wouldn't they be too painful to look at? Chana said that even if I never looked at the pictures, at least I would have them. Someday I may want to look at them. Priceless advise. The photos are incredibly hard to look at but I will cherish the them forever. The other organization is called Share Parents. They are a Cache and Box Elder County group that offers support for those that have lost babies. After Q was born they clothed him, made molds of his tiny hands and feet and took a few photos. We are eternally grateful for the service these two incredible organizations offered us at a very difficult time.
